la_belle_rogue | Backdated 4th wall

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[And Rogue's day is very suddenly ruined. She's so mad she could explode. But she doesn't. She squashes it down hard so that when she talks, it has to be through gritted teeth.]

Anyone who's been talkin' ta "me" today up until now, unless it was a private chat or face ta face, it wasn't me. Someone decided ta stick her nose in all over the place, and didn't even bother ta show her sorry hide ta me herself.

Ignore anythin' she told any of ya.

[She's soooo angry.]

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How are you picked? Do you know? By 'going back' you mean they return, only live? What happens?

Ah'd say on both sides, it's just whoever the Admiral thinks will work best here. Don't ask me who that is. All Ah know is he's the guy who offered me the getaway and drives this crazy train.

When the Inmates graduate -that's what it's called- seems ta be they get the choice of what's next. Some go back home. Some go other places. Other worlds.

How did he offer it to you?

[ He's more grateful than he can say for this, it gives him something to focus on, something that despite the topic, he can be analytical on, rather than emotional. ]

And some stay there?

Kinda like ya'd imagine some mystical, invisible guy ta offer ya anythin'. Which is pretty vague, cuz Ah'm not sure everyone was approached the same way. Ah was just thinkin' Ah wanted away from the mess at home, just for a little while, and it just fell into mah lap.

Yeah, some come back ta pay it forward, and ta get somethin' they need.

(ooc: Sorry for vague answer, this was not something I'd ever thought about before XD )

Is he trustworthy?

(OOC: It's cool! )

Seems ta be. Just a real bad driver.

My daughter is there.

[ Hence his crying earlier. ]

Anya.

[She wondered, but she knew better than to bring it up first. To be fair, she also only sort of knew of Anya by reputation on the Barge. They hadn't really crossed paths yet.]

How ya doin' with that?

[ He nods. ]

I don't know. I don't know.

[ Be he blinks hard. ]

Realistically, I know other worlds, she had to have survived somewhere. But I-I never allowed myself to think on it. She looks so much like her mother, I always thought she would.

[The impulse to hug him is so strong in that moment, to offer him the comfort that he wouldn't ask for otherwise. But she's beyond too far away. It hurts.]

Is there anythin' Ah can do?

[ He'd take it right now - you never really 'get over' a child's death, and Anya has always weighed so heavily on his mind. ]

Nothing that is fair of me to ask, or my place.

[ Because he wants to ask her to look after his child, but he knows that would be meddling when he doesn't have the right, even if it's what he wants to do, and would place a burden on Rogue that he shouldn't. ]

I haven't seen her in over fifty years Rogue. And the last time I did, she was so small. I don't want to push too hard, but I don't want to lose her again either, even if she isn't mine, she is. I don't know what to do.

[She's not much use here. She can't tell him what he should do. Because telling him to come here would be presumptuous. And to be honest, the Barge is an unforgiving place to every one of its passengers. The Warden's are just lucky enough to have a choice in leaving if it comes to it.

So, she'll offer what little she could do.]

Ask anyway.

Try to watch over her?

[ He laughs, but it's not happy. ]

I don't have any right to ask, for her or of you. She's my firstborn, I honestly never believed I'd see her again.

[ He also never spoke of her. ]

Ah'll do what Ah can.

[Which was saying a lot, and yet not. Because he'd asked, she'd keep an eye on Anya, jump in places if she needed it, and Rogue could help. But they didn't know each other either, so it would make things strange. Still, it wouldn't be the first time she was asked to be the protector of someone she barely knew. She'd done pretty okay by Hope.]

Promise.

Thank you.

[ It's breathed out, grateful and warm and shaky all at once. ]

You're older than I was when she was born, you know.

Ah don't know if Ah should say thanks or be offended by that.

[She's teasing, very very gently teasing. Trying to give him a little something lighter than what he's dealing with.]

[ That gets a small, but genuine laugh out of him. ]

We weren't old enough. we were barely more than children ourselves.

[Good. That's much better. Even a small laugh is better than a mountain of pain.]

Y'were happy and in love. That's what matters.

That's what people say. We were also very poor. I wanted better for my family, but...I wouldn't have traded her for the world.

That's the way it should be.

[They're such meager words, but there's not much else to say. They're small but they're the right words.]

Is it? I think she heard more algebra than fairy tales. I was always up when she'd start to fuss, I didn't want her to wake her mother, so I'd hold her, read to her from whatever I was studying at the time, she'd fall asleep in my arms.

[ He's not aware of the small smile, or the far away look in his eyes. ]

Some times it was the only time I'd see her. I worked until sundown, she was often asleep by the time I got home. I always felt I should have been home more.

[Her own smile, soft and moved, she's very aware of
Her heart aches for him and his loss, but she's also glad that he could have the moment with his child. Something to add to those precious memories. ]

It's not the content of the book, but that y'were there, the one that soothed her when she needed it. Ya did the best ya knew how. And she knew ya loved her.

[ He looks over at her.]

It wasn't enough. My child died, and that's my fault.

[She takes that in, consideringly.]

Ah've had mah fair share of things ta lay at yer feet, Erik, but if you're expectin' this t'be one of 'em, ya came ta the wrong gal.

[ He smiles, but it's weak. ]

I lost my temper. I threatened someone. Had I not, that entire night wouldn't have happened. I'm not the cause of the mob that gathered, I'm not responsible for the KGB that would rather an innocent child die because of who her parents are, but if I hadn't lost my temper, it wouldn't have happened. As many times as others lectured me on my temper, as much damage as it's caused...I shouldn't have allowed myself to become so angry.

[ He's actually trying to take responsibility for the fault that is his, in this case, but as almost always, he goes too far. ]

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