la_belle_rogue | [Video]

[Rogue doesn't look happen when she turns on the feed. In fact, she seems grim and pensive. She's sitting at the island in her kitchen, arms folded across the counter top, leaning over them heavily. She takes a moment to gather her thoughts before she starts speaking.]

Ah wanna talk about choices for a minute. This place is very unique, in that it offers up an option that should be the hard choice, and makes it look like the easy choice.

Killin' someone should never be considered the right thing to do. Sometimes it's the necessary thing. Sometimes it's the only thing we can do, when faced with an extreme situation. Life or death. Kill or be killed. But the Barge warps that into an easy go to and it shouldn't be. Not every option is life or death, kill or be killed.

Sometimes we find ourselves between rocks and hard places. And in those times our choices are either bad or worse. But just because a choice might not be a good one, doesn't mean that it's not the better one. Just because a choice leaves a mess behind, doesn't mean it's not better than the alternative.

Now before ya'll start in on how death isn't permanent here, let me just say this: Ah. Don't. Care. Wardens are here ta help people get their lives back, and actin' cavalier 'bout takin' someone's life is pretty counter productive ta that, from where Ah'm standin'.

We've got a lot of extraordinary people here, who can do amazin' things, but we have become frighteningly dependent on one lone miracle. We're treatin' death like a time out. Death should be the hardest choice we make, no matter what world we're from, no matter how many reset buttons the Admiral is willin' ta press for us. It never should be treated lightly. Even in a place where it doesn't stick. And we certainly shouldn't get angry at someone when they choose not ta take a life, no matter what mess comes with that choice. Don't ya see how backwards this is? And we've been doin' it for a long time here. Ah imagine a lot longer than Ah've been around, and Ah can honestly say Ah'm ashamed for not payin' attention t'it sooner and speakin' up about it before now.

[She shakes her head, sits back. What else can she say on this?]

That's all Ah've got ta say.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

No one else pushed him through a mirror and tried to impale him. You did.

That's why I'm sorry you died. That's why I won't hold my death against you.

But, in the interests of everyone's safety, you might not want to get too close to Stiles for a while.

His, more than mine.

I'm sorry.

No, yours. Because if I think you're still a threat to him, I will kill you.

And I will keep killing you until someone stops me.

For me, you are forgiven. Completely. For Stiles...that will take a little more time. And for that, I'm the one who's sorry.

For your safety too. There aren't many people here who can kill me. I don't think you're one of them.

I'm very, very good at killing. That's why this happened.

I've been trained to kill things that have a hard time dying. Things that aren't human.

And I'm very good at it.

It wasn't a boast. I'm not glad.

Neither was mine. Literally, I was trained to hunt werewolves, berzerkers, kanimas. Monsters, actual monsters.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you don't have to worry about killing me again. I'll be ready next time, but I do hope there isn't a next time.

I'm Mistborn. Not like them.

Please stop.

I can't.

I can't let any of you suffer any more than you already have, Stiles. I don't know what it was, I don't know what happened to you...to any of you...but I won't let it happen again.

It's why I'm here. It's what I'm for. I'm sorry if that upsets you, but I can't just...stop.

And you think you dying won't cause all of us more suffering?

It can't be worse than whatever happened before I got here. The thing none of you will talk about.

Not even Lydia. Not even to me.

Nothing could possibly be worse than that.

Maybe everyone's still a little traumatized by my murder spree.

It wasn't a spree when I left Beacon Hills, Stiles. Not yet.

And it won't have to be. Not if the Admiral can help you before everything falls apart.

None of you will shed another drop of blood. None of you will die. Not while I'm here.

This is how it is.

Well, it was when I left.

And yeah, one way or another it's gonna be fixed. But we can't just wipe out our memories about all of it right now, either.

Then tell me about it. Tell me what happened, let me help you! It's why I came, why I left without saying goodbye, even when I knew I might spend the rest of my life here, saving one soul in exchange for yours.

Tell me what it was that took my three best friends away from me.

[He has to close his eyes at her words. It's so damned ironic that she's come to save him when he's the reason she's dead. He has so many questions about why some people who've done terrible things are wardens like him and others are inmates. The distinction is so unclear with so many people he's talked to, that it makes him feel nauseous on a good day.]

I killed people, Allison. A lot of people. I can't -- [His voice breaks and he shakes his head.] I'm not ready to talk about it. Not with any of you guys. [And he's not. He's avoided talking about it with Scott and with Lydia as much as possible, too.]

allison.

[He doesn't know what else to say. He doesn't know what else to add, yet. He just knows that he tastes vomit and he has to say something.]

What?

[He has no idea. He stares at the screen, his thumbs hovering over the keyboard.]

i cant watch you die again

[He regrets sending it almost immediately.]

neither can stiles. let him be angry for a little

[Reading the words makes something twist in her gut, that familiar lance of regret that seems worse for how exhausted and physically raw she feels.

Oddly, it makes her answer that much easier to send.]

I can't watch any of you die, Scott. Let him be angry: you've seen what happens when people I love die.

This is why I broke up with you: because Gerard never would have been able to do what he did to me if he didn't have something to work with in the first place.

you're not a bad person

[He wishes she would believe that. He wished Alan would believe that. He wishes Stiles would believe it. None of them see themselves like he sees them. He knows them, and he knows, doesn't even doubt it for a moment, that they are good people.]

gerard's an asshole and he manipulated you. he could have done that to anyone, that doesn't mean there's something bad in you

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