[Video]

[la_belle_rogue]

[Rogue doesn't look happen when she turns on the feed. In fact, she seems grim and pensive. She's sitting at the island in her kitchen, arms folded across the counter top, leaning over them heavily. She takes a moment to gather her thoughts before she starts speaking.]

Ah wanna talk about choices for a minute. This place is very unique, in that it offers up an option that should be the hard choice, and makes it look like the easy choice.

Killin' someone should never be considered the right thing to do. Sometimes it's the necessary thing. Sometimes it's the only thing we can do, when faced with an extreme situation. Life or death. Kill or be killed. But the Barge warps that into an easy go to and it shouldn't be. Not every option is life or death, kill or be killed.

Sometimes we find ourselves between rocks and hard places. And in those times our choices are either bad or worse. But just because a choice might not be a good one, doesn't mean that it's not the better one. Just because a choice leaves a mess behind, doesn't mean it's not better than the alternative.

Now before ya'll start in on how death isn't permanent here, let me just say this: Ah. Don't. Care. Wardens are here ta help people get their lives back, and actin' cavalier 'bout takin' someone's life is pretty counter productive ta that, from where Ah'm standin'.

We've got a lot of extraordinary people here, who can do amazin' things, but we have become frighteningly dependent on one lone miracle. We're treatin' death like a time out. Death should be the hardest choice we make, no matter what world we're from, no matter how many reset buttons the Admiral is willin' ta press for us. It never should be treated lightly. Even in a place where it doesn't stick. And we certainly shouldn't get angry at someone when they choose not ta take a life, no matter what mess comes with that choice. Don't ya see how backwards this is? And we've been doin' it for a long time here. Ah imagine a lot longer than Ah've been around, and Ah can honestly say Ah'm ashamed for not payin' attention t'it sooner and speakin' up about it before now.

[She shakes her head, sits back. What else can she say on this?]

That's all Ah've got ta say.

Comments

[youwill]

What do you control, Zane?

[godsays]

Nothing but myself.

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[semifreakingnormal]

allison.

[He doesn't know what else to say. He doesn't know what else to add, yet. He just knows that he tastes vomit and he has to say something.]

[youwill]

Then at least you know what you are.

[He doesn't say, a monster. But the words hover in the air between them.]

[godsays]

[ He cuts that word off. He believes he is hurt, and that he will never be pure. It doesn't mean he believes he's a monster. ]

Loving.

[ He is loving. ]

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[theresalwayshope]

What?

[youwill]

As you say.

[The fight doesn't go out of him - he was calm enough through out. His tone says he isn't agreeing, though.]

[godsays]

I am mine.

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[theresalwayshope]

I've been trained to kill things that have a hard time dying. Things that aren't human.

And I'm very good at it.

[la_belle_rogue]

[She smiles, because she's so relieved to have Steve back her up. Captain America is obviously a good man, no matter what universe he comes from.]

Thanks, Cap. Ah appreciate the support. Really.

[voice, private]

[hearrrtofgold]

Well, you made the right decision. Both you and your father did. That is assuming you don't regret letting him live, which is the impression I got.

You didn't have to kill her, right?

[voice, private]

[theresalwayshope]

Kill my mother? No, I didn't.

She killed herself after she was bitten, rather than let herself turn. All part of the Code.

[voice, private]

[hearrrtofgold]

Oh, there's a Code.

[The "fuck that" is entirely implied.]

[voice, private]

[theresalwayshope]

There is...was. We hunt those who hunt us.

...my grandfather took that Code very seriously. So did my mother and father. After she died, Gerard...my grandfather...worked very hard to make sure I dealt with my grief by getting good and angry. The women in my family lead, you see, and he wanted me to lead them in a very...specific direction.

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[godsays]

It wasn't a boast. I'm not glad.

Private

[bodilesswarrior]

Because the Joker's gas brought out the worst in you? [Her tone is gentle, but chiding.] That's what it's meant to do, Zane.

Private

[godsays]

You don't understand.

I was trying to forget how good it felt. Now it's all back again. I thought if I could just practice being good all the time then it might get easier.

It's not easier!

[punched_hitler]

[He tries, at least. Some days he feels more successful than others.]

You're welcome.

Things do get pretty complicated, when death doesn't mean what it should. Part of me thinks that takes something away from us.

Even though part of me might be a little glad it's not permanent, here. [After all, who would wish that? Not when you lose someone that matters to you.]

Private

[bodilesswarrior]

[She remembers. She remembers the violent rage curling in her gut like a snake. She remembers dreaming about blood dripping from her fingers. She remembers a feral smile in the mirror.]

I understand. [Her voice is soft, now.] I felt it, remember? [It's not the same. Not when it only lasted a few days, not when it isn't really part of her. But she knows, at least, how it feels. How hard it is to keep it at bay.]

I don't know if repressing it - ignoring it - will ever work in the long term.

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[theresalwayshope]

Neither was mine. Literally, I was trained to hunt werewolves, berzerkers, kanimas. Monsters, actual monsters.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you don't have to worry about killing me again. I'll be ready next time, but I do hope there isn't a next time.

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[godsays]

I'm Mistborn. Not like them.

Private

[godsays]

I've been trying to let it heal.

[ Because isn't that what's wrong with him? All these scars. ]

[voice, private]

[hearrrtofgold]

Makes sense on the outside.

That doesn't sound like you leading at all. Just him.

[voice, private]

[theresalwayshope]

It was...and I did some pretty unspeakable things while that man was...playing with my brain. I hurt a lot of people...people I knew, other kids, and I had fun doing it.

Then Gerard threatened to kill me if my boyfriend didn't bring him an Alpha and force him to give up the Bite. He...figured out how to stop him, and I broke up with my boyfriend...with Scott. There was just too much between us after that, you know?

There was...another guy, sort of, but I had to leave him behind back home. I don't even know for sure if he's alive. I'm just...here.

[She pauses for a long moment, and she huffs out a quiet, bitter laugh.]

Playing in the Games, with an entire band of Rues and Prims to look after...and not a Peeta or Gale in sight.

Private

[voluntaryapnea]

[He has to close his eyes at her words. It's so damned ironic that she's come to save him when he's the reason she's dead. He has so many questions about why some people who've done terrible things are wardens like him and others are inmates. The distinction is so unclear with so many people he's talked to, that it makes him feel nauseous on a good day.]

I killed people, Allison. A lot of people. I can't -- [His voice breaks and he shakes his head.] I'm not ready to talk about it. Not with any of you guys. [And he's not. He's avoided talking about it with Scott and with Lydia as much as possible, too.]